Blue day
It has been raining the whole day since the early morning till the late afternoon. The rain was not heavy just drizzling all the way for that few hours which it actually made me thought a lot today. Rainy day’s always brought up humans emotional side of them. Don’t know why and don’t really want to know the reason why, cause at least there’ll be a space for myself to think quietly.
First day of class, isn’t it suppose to be an exciting and happy day meeting back all the classmates after a long holiday and ready for the challenge? But why am I so emotional today? Rain drops drop on me while I was walking towards my car after class which it actually made me even more emotional, felt the cold water drops falls on my skin, so cold. Driving all the way home after first day of class alone in the car, raining, all alone, soak and wet.
I questioned myself a lot today. Am I being too sensitive to think that way? Why can’t I just express it all out and tell what I want? Is just a movie after all. Am I thinking too much? Am I scared of getting hurt again that’s why I can’t express my heart out? Am I scared of the history repeating again? Will my past really haunt me for the rest of my life? This is so not me, why am I thinking all the negative side? I know what I want, but it seems like I’m scared, I’m just too scared to tell my heart out.
On another side, I thought, is whatever he said to me is it real or is it not? What does he actually want? I’m just thinking too much of suspicious points. Why am I thinking that way? Haunt from the past, maybe? Scared of feeling the pain again, maybe? Everything starts too fast, real fast and scared that it will ends fast too, might happen? I’m just so negative, this is really so not me. Negative thoughts really running in my head, pulling me back down again turning my feelings from flying to falling, my thoughts from heaven to hell.
Where has all my instinct gone to when it comes to relationships? I really need it back now cause I trust you, instinct.
Oh, please, give me some sign……please…….
October 1st, 2007 at 9:25 pm
hey..my dear fren..r u ok?? rlei worry abt u lo..wat i told u at y’day..just take it easy..n dun tink so much..
n wat i believe is come fast n gone fast too..so pls take more time 2 und n analyse it..ok?? dun wish u wil do a wrong decision n sad..ok??
de most important is stay happy..und??
take k fren..got anything..tell us o…
muacckkzzz..
October 9th, 2007 at 7:11 am
Hey gurl, I’m fine oh. No worries about me. So far I’m still alive to overcome all the problems in my life, don’t think there’ll be any that will block my way. Hehe…..no worries ok ??? You also take care oh……..you know what I mean hor ??? Hehe…….